Everyone wants to be more confident, but not everyone knows how to be assertive. Here are 10 powerful habits to become more assertive.
If you are someone who is naturally more passive and would like to hone your assertiveness skills, there are several things you can do and habits to build to improve in this area and confidently stand up for yourself.
Be smart & build good connections! How to be assertive, to drive solutions, to listen with an open mind, and to influence for outcomes.
Assertiveness is an interpersonal skill in which you demonstrate the healthy confidence to stand up for yourself while still respecting the rights of others. When you are assertive, you are neither passive nor aggressive, but direct and honest. You don’t expect other people to know what you want, so you speak up to ask for what you need calmly and with confidence.
When it comes to being assertive, communication style is critical, and the key is to be respectful of those with whom you are trying to communicate. Never expect people to read your mind; if you want something, say so, and if something bothers you, speak up. Look confident when making a request or stating a preference.
Using I statements lets others know what you’re thinking or feeling without sounding accusatory. For instance, say, “I disagree,” rather than, “You’re wrong.” If you have a request, say, “I would like you to help with this” rather than, “You need to do this.” Keep your requests simple, specific and clear.
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If you have a hard time turning down requests, try saying, “No, I can’t do that now.” Remember that no is a complete sentence and you don’t need to explain why you choose to say no. Don’t hesitate — be direct. If an explanation is appropriate, keep it brief.
If it’s challenging to say what you want or think, practice general scenarios you encounter. Say what you want to say out loud. It may help to write it out first, too, so you can practice from a script. Consider role-playing with a friend or colleague and asking for clear feedback.
When you’re practicing assertiveness, it’s important to speak in a way that doesn’t imply accusations or make the other person feel guilty. Speaking your truth with candor shouldn’t mean making others feel wrong. Be simple, direct, and concise, and state what you know to be true for you. When asserting yourself, remember, less is more. Keep your requests free of meandering or long-winded explanations.
Communication isn’t just verbal. Act confident even if you aren’t feeling it. Keep an upright posture, but lean forward a bit. Make regular eye contact. Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. Don’t cross your arms or legs. Face the person. Practice assertive body language in front of a mirror or with a friend or colleague. In addition to what you say, your body language and facial expressions are also important.
Be calm; yet assertive.
Be meek; yet courageous.
Be gentle; yet bold.
Be kind; yet strong.
8 | CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
Conflict is hard for most people. Maybe you get angry or frustrated, or maybe you feel like crying. Although these feelings are typical, they can get in the way of resolving conflict. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible. Then work on remaining calm. Breathe slowly. Keep your voice even and firm.
9 | UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT DIFFERENCES
Assertiveness doesn’t mean being dismissive of other people’s points of view. Just as you state your own opinion, you work to understand other points of view. Don’t allow differences to upset you or make you angry; remember that differences don’t necessarily mean you are right and the other person is wrong. Try to understand their point of view. Listen respectfully and don’t interrupt when they are speaking.
At first, practice your new skills in situations that are low risk. For instance, try out your assertiveness on a partner or friend before tackling a difficult situation at work. Evaluate yourself afterward and adjust your approach as needed.
Focus on these 10 habits to become more assertive. Consider your wants, needs, feelings, views, beliefs, and choices. Determine how important these things are to you. They should be a priority. Make the conscious decision to start putting them first.
Determine the value of your time, energy, and attention. This is important to strengthen your self-worth and be honest with this introspection. If your find unsatisfactory, then take a proactive approach by making necessary changes or adjustments. Our Self Coaching Programs and Rapid Results Programs help you to make your best interests a priority in your life.
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